He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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