life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
