i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
