somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
