I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Randomize
