ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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