u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
