Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
