You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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