Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
