i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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