1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's just like the Real World with babies
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
