Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
