I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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