its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
