Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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