i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
