She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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