You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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