We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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