I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
