First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
