Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
