White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
