There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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