i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
