I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
