My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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