im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
