Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
