Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
