Old men and throwing up are my life now.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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