drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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