You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
