Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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