Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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