Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Randomize
