hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
