no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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