dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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