The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
