I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
