Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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