what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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