he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
