Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
