i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
