the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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