apparently the secret to your success is patron
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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