you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
