i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
