so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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