that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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